Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You’re at Work! Clean Up Your Act!


We let athletes get away with anything! If they say something dumb, they were in the heat of the moment. If they cheat on their wife, it was one bad decision. If they murder someone, it was assisted suicide. Enough! I tell one receptionist that she’s got a smoking hot ass and I can’t go within 100 yards of a Neiman Marcus. Enough! If I can’t do it at my job, athletes shouldn’t be able to do it at theirs.

Here are some sporting acts that should definitely not be allowed in the work place.

Inappropriate Touching - The Upper Hand Ball Massage

Quarterbacks and centers have had an inappropriate work relationship for a long time. You are touching his balls. No, you are gently resting your hand on the underside of his ball sack and holding, which quite frankly is worse. No one wears butt pads anymore and I know a few guys who don’t even wear cups. No wonder more quarterbacks are calling their audibles from under center. How do you think the left guard feels? He sees this every day, in the cubicle next door and he’s too scared to say anything. Please, for all of our sakes, put in some more shotgun packages.

THAT CENTER HAS MESH SHORTS ON FOR CHRIST SAKE

Dress Code - Really? That's what you wore? This is work!

There really isn't anything to say here. This outfit does not foster a healthy working environment. End of story.

You try doing your job with her jumping around in that.

The Straddling Hump - into Standing Hump

Only in wrestling would this be a standard move. Let me get this straight, we’re going to put on spandex, something I would never ever wear at any other time in my life, I’m going to kneel on the ground…and you’re going to kneel right behind me and try to take me to the ground? Who was the dude that was like “YES! I LOVE IT. How do we make this happen?” 90% of wrestling take downs involve some sort of humping technique. What if 90% of conference calls involved some sort of hand to breast contact? I don’t think we’d be making many conference calls.

 There are no winners when two men in spandex take this position

Sexual Harassment - Groin to the Facial AKA OHHHHH IN THE FACE!!!!

This tall…kind man was just trying to do his job. He is a basketball player, and he takes his job very seriously. And then this…

 You think Vince ever though about what the other guy wanted?

...a groin is shoved into his face at high speeds. That’s even worse than at slow speeds. You don’t see it coming, you have no time to react, you just take it, and guess what? 50,000 people are watching…AND THEY CHEER. No one has the balls to say something to the jerk who did it. Typical!

Who is going to take a stand? Who is going to be our Susan B. Anthony?



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3 comments:

  1. lol, you always have some funny stuff. Would you welcome a guest post about funny tennis pics?

    ReplyDelete
  2. you disrespect wrestling it will disrespect you

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  3. I wonder how many wrestlers have cum in their singlet when they got a chance to hump the other guy?

    ReplyDelete